When you leave, my colors fade to gray
by Two Dollar x Song
Summary: Lily Evan's best friend from America, Karsten Harold, has been sneaking out of Hogwarts every night for as long as Lily can remember. Lily has yet to figure out why, and she finds herself in love with James! But when Karsten starts to date James, theres t
1. Lillian Evans loves James Potter

Of course, the wonderful master J. K. Owns these characters, despite my obsession with the Marauders.

**Here we go – another Lily/ James story. :-**

**Lily's POV:**

"I've told you before, and I'll tell you again, Karsten, I despise that boy." I shook my head, displaying my perfect shiny red hair. Thank god for Karsten's creative spells.

Speaking of Karsten, my American friend was what all boys called "perfect". Her blonde hair curled perfectly, framing her perfectly zit-free, soft-skinned, plump-cherry-red-lipped face.

Molly Prewett smiled, sitting on in the other seat next to me. "Lil, they're the marauders."

"And being such," I smiled at her. "I hate them."

Karsten yawned and stared at her book. "Same old, same old. Lily, you hate the Slytherins they play tricks on too."

"Not true! I don't hate…_all_ of them. Severus can be nice…when he tries." I could tell that I wasn't convincing my two best friends.

"Well, weather you hate him, _them_ or not, they're coming over here to sit with us." Karsten didn't even glance up from her book.

"Evans, Prewett, Harold," Sirius winked at us as he kicked his feet up on top of the table.

Karsten sent him a cocky smile, Molly ignored him, and I slapped his feet, trying to get him to put them down. He just grinned at me.

"Sirius," I lifted up his feet and dropped them so they landed on the floor. "You are a moron."

"And proud of it," He grinned again.

James, who was sitting across from him, next to Molly, bit into an apple and wiggled his eyebrows at me. I shook my head and tried to concentrate on my breakfast.

Remus sat next to Sirius, not paying attention to anything that was going on. It was understandable. He was bent over a piece of parchment, a quill clutched tightly in his fingers. His sandy-blonde hair fell in his face as he wrote quickly.

"Karsten?" Remus looked up from the parchment and leaned over the table, his tie nearly falling into a cup of hot chocolate, to try and look at her.

"Remus," she looked up.

"Do you …do you have any ink with you?" Sirius burst out laughing at this. I shook my head, and suddenly realized Peter was nowhere to be seen. I dismissed it. Probably with Professor Sprout.

"Sorry, Reemy," she laughed at the nickname that James and Sirius used for him. "I don't. It's all in my bag, up on my bed."

And thus, another morning at breakfast concludes.

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James POV:

"Fuck, potions," I purposely said loud, while sitting behind Lily in Charms, uttering profanity as if it was an essential spell.

"Fuck, Slughorn, is more like it," said Peter, who had finally showed up.

"Fuck, SCHOOL," Sirius seemed to have summed up what all three of us had been thinking, "If it wasn't for Moony, I don't think I'd come to class. I'd just sit back, flunk, and flirt with girls,"

"Isn't that what you do anyway, Padfoot?" I chuckled at my own little joke.

"Not true, not true, Prongs. Not only do I flirt with girls, I shag girls too." Padfoot raised his eyebrows at me, as Lily turned around. Her shiny red hair caught the light in the classroom, and I caught myself just before I sighed with happiness.

Sirius nudged me under the table and I ignored it. "Lily!" I said. "What a pleasure. To what do I owe the honor?"

Lily grimaced at me. My heart beats faster. It must be love. "Asshole." Love. Love it is.

"Lily-bily, I'm hurt."

"I just can't wait for the day when we're alone together, so I can give you a real piece of my mind," she held her wand up menacingly.

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "If I wasn't _so _sure that you hated me, I could have sworn that you were coming onto me."

- - - - - - -

**Lily's POV:**

The slight intake of breath I took at James's remark could have been called a gasp, I suppose. Still, I didn't need Sirius wolf-whistling or Molly giggling.

I stared at James directly in his beautiful – er, loathsome brown eyes. "Let me just establish that I hate you," A lie. How could I lie like that?

All right, I could back myself up. I did hate him. At least part of me. Since fourth year, things had gotten so complicated for this relationship with James. It was as if I had two alter egos. The first part of me – the first "Lily" was obsessed with him. Her heart beat like a bongo drum when she stepped within 50 feet of him, or when she thought about him at night, when she was lying alone in her bed.

The second me was totally impartial. That part of me thought James was sort of cute, funny, but thought of him as nothing more than a classmate. That side of me was quickly disappearing.

The third part, the part that came out the most, was the part of me that hated him with a passion. That "Lily" would want nothing more than to turn the entire school against James Potter, or something equally embarrassing and mean. That part wasn't disappearing, just becoming, sort of, a charade.

I loved the way he talked to me. I loved the fights that we got into, the arguments, the name-calling. I loved that he called me Lily-bily or sometimes Lily-Pad when he was feeling especially vicious.

I wished more than anything that he would love me back, that I could just come clean. That I, bookworm, goody-goody, mudblood Lillian Evans could freely admit that I was in love with lazy, prank-pulling, pureblood James Potter.

To be quite honest, I was terrified of his response.

I was terrified of rejection.

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**All right, so? What do you think? I love this story! I just love it! I'm going to work pretty hard on it…although I know I should update all my other stories….heh. So, yeah, review, and whatthehell, if you think it sucks, tell me. I really need the criticism. **

**Ps. "What the hell" was supposed to be one word. That is how I talk. I'm so weird.**


	2. Karsten

**Yay! I got 2 reviews. That makes me very happy…and yeahh…I actually did have this central plot, mostly about Lily's friend, Karsten Harold. I'll make the Summary better.**

**When you leave, my colors fade to gray…**

**Chapter II**

**Karsten POV:**

"Karsten Harold," I grinned at Professor Slughorn, showing him my pearly white teeth. I was late. Again.

"Sorry, professor," I made my way to the seat next to Lily's. I examined my nails, which were already down the bleeding point. Things weren't good. I felt nervous.

I could practically feel Amos's eyes boring a hole in my back. I threw my hair over my shoulder and ignored it.

He kept me late this morning. He usually let me go, and I'd run back to the castle as fast as I could, trying to make it look like I'd slept.

But no. This morning, he had kept me until just before Potions had started. I could already hear Lily and Molly questioning me endlessly. "Where were you, Karsten?" "Why didn't you come to breakfast?" Blah, Blah, Blah.

Lately my job was getting a lot harder. Intercept, interrupt, never let anyone know. Sneak out of Hogwarts at one in the morning, ever night. Learn, be taught, sneak back at four.

"Miss Harold," he had said to me this morning, chilling my every move. "Evans, Lily Evans. I've told you before,"

I shook my head, and Lily nudged me, sending me a 'what-the-hell-is-going-on-with-you?' look.

_Please, spare the drama._

**James POV:**

"You want to do _what?_" I stared at Remus, hardly believing that my bookworm friend was suggesting this.

"I want to throw a party," He grinned.

"I must be asleep," I pinched him. He rolled his eyes at me. "Alright, alright. Well, what's the reason that you want to have a party?"

"I dunno…when's Lily's birthday?"

"I have no idea! Why would I know something like –"

"Because you _faaaanncyyyy _her." Sirius interrupted our conversation. "Here, I'll ask her. YO, LILS!"

She turned around slowly. "What?" she looked angry. My chest hurt.

"When's your birthday?" Sirius sauntered over to her.

"Why the hell do you care?"

"We want to throw you a surprise birthday party!" he grinned, and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Sorry to tell you, my birthday isn't for a while now," she grinned right back, and rolled her eyes. I bit my thumbnail really hard. She looked at my strangely when I started to shake my hand in the air. "You ok, James?"

"I'm fine," I winked at her. "Actually, I'm not, I need you, Lily!" Good thing she thought I was being sarcastic.

She groaned and thought for a minute "You know, Karsten's birthday is next Friday,"

Karsten turned to Lily and flipped her off calmly. "I thought we agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone," Her eyes flickered with fear, which, for Karsten Harold, was about as rare as anything.

Sirius didn't seem to notice. "A party for Karsten it is,"

Karsten turned back, her eyes shining more than usual…with…tears?

**Karsten POV:**

I lay down in my bed and turned to face Lily. "Why'd you tell them about my birthday?"

"I don't know," she considered, turning over to face me. "You deserve a party, I guess,"

I grimaced at her. "Maybe I don't want a party," Maybe I was a bit to vicious. Either way, I turned over and ignored her for the next fifteen minutes as she tried to get my attention.

As soon as I was sure she was asleep, I snuck downstairs to the common room and sat next to the fire. "Why," I said to no one in particular. A single tear dropped down my cheek.

"Why what?" Remus's voice came from a chair facing the other direction.

"What – Oh, Remus!" I placed my hand on my heart, and prayed he didn't see my tear. "What are you doing down her so late?"

"Nothing really, studying…what are you doing down here?" He looked directly into my eyes, and I forced myself to look back.

"N-nothing. I…I'm going on a moonlight walk, I think," I got up and walked to the portrait hole. He followed and grabbed my arm.

"I'll come. Might not be too smart to go out there this late."

Rage built up inside me. I didn't want him following me. _He_ would get mad. _He _would make me do something else. "NO." I yanked my hand away from him and ran out the portrait hole, and out of the castle. I didn't want to be this way to Remus but I had no choice, soon enough they'd all find out, though.

As I entered the forest, I thought I heard the wolf-boy himself behind me. I ran as fast as I could to the biggest tree.I leaned against it until _he_ came.

His trenchcoat was beginning to get dirty, his jet-black hair dotted with pine needles and leaves. He grinned at me, with authority, although he seemed to be only a couple of years older than me.

"Reidan, I can't do this," I said strongly, although I my knees were shaking.

"You can't?" He laughed at me and grabbed my wrists. "Yeah, you can, and furthermore, you will. I want the Lupin boy and the Evans girl, and you will get them here,"

"And why the hell do you think I will?" I glared at him, even though his argument was clear.

Reidan shook his head slowly, smirking. "Because you are just like me, Karsten, and because no matter what you'd like to believe, you're my daughter."

I really love that last part. I like writing for REIDAN. He's fun. More later. REVIEW.

**Two Dollar x Song**


	3. The Kiss

Well, thanks for reviews, and yeah, my OC is totally weird and demented – I mean, I have this other story I plan on beginning rather soon about Harry's kids where Reidan shows up again, and that time he wages a war on Hogwarts. Yeah. So. Here we go, chapter three.

**Chapter III**

**Lily POV**

To say that my feelings about Karsten hadn't changed lately would be a complete and total lie, and I'm not the type to lie, as most people of my age know. My so-called 'perfect' friend appeared to be suffering.

I noticed her several nights, sneaking out of the castle. I didn't know where she was going, or why she did it, but I had noticed that she's been gone quite a lot lately. I'd shoot her 'what the hell' looks or try and ask her, but every time I did, she's come up with some excuse to leave, or she'd completely ignore me.

Either way, her friendly demeanor was all but gone. She snapped at people, and all the professors were obviously worried about her performance in class.

This particular morning, she walked around, nostrils flaired, hair in a matted mess, ignoring the world, or just being mad at everyone who talked to her.

Remus made the fatal mistake of approaching her at breakfast, a confused and worried expression softening his features, only to have her yell profanity and something like "REMUS, FOR ONCE, MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUISNESS AND LET ME HAVE MY OWN LIFE, ALRIGHT?"

Poor Remus retreated to the rest of the Marauders, licking his wounds (No, not literally…Although, I'm afraid Karsten might have given him a good smack,).

I learned that when she was like this just to avoide her, but these days, it was getting close to just not being her friend, she was in these moods so much.

I could only imagine what was going on with her.

James POV:

"Something wrong with Lily?" I didn't even look at Sirius as I asked him.

"Harold," he simply replied, following my gaze to Lily, who was frowning at Karsten. "Haven't you noticed she's been, er, strange lately?"

"I suppose I have. Poor Moony, he didn't deserve that shit," Shaking my head I glanced at Karsten, who was grimacing, ignoring Molly and Lily who were trying to talk to her.

"Think we should still throw her the party?" Peter was surprised me and Padfoot, standing right behind us.

"Er, yeah," Sirus replied. "We should. Just because she's become a royal bitch doesn't mean we shouldn't party," he smiled knowingly.

"Good point," I high-fived him, and looked up to see Lily walking towards us. "Need something, Lily-pad?"

She made a face at me. "Stop it, James," she glanced over her shoulder at Karsten and back at us. "Do you have any idea what's going on with Karsten…I mean, she was sort of…extra mean to Remus. Has he told you guys anything?"

"No…Actually I haven't seen him since Breakfast. " Peter looked at us for support.

"Yeah, Lily-Flower, we haven't seen him at all," She rolled her eyes and went back to her seat and started talking worriedly to Molly.

As Slughorn entered the room, we all immediately stopped paying attention to anything going on outside the Marauder's cauldron.

Karsten POV:

"I told you before, you're **wrong,**" I shook my head and fought back tears as Reidan laughed at me.

"Wrong? What in the world am I wrong about, dearest daughter?"

I bit my lip at him calling me daughter. Even though I knew it was true, I couldn't help but hate him for bringing it up. "About Lily,"

"There's no way I could be wrong about that," he smiled, his evil chilling smile. "You're forgetting that I know what a demon summoner looks like,"

"Yeah? And what's your proof of that?"

"You doubt me?" He was angry now. He shoved me against the tree. "I've been alive since _Mesopotamia, _girl. I know what a demon-girl looks like,"

"I don't see how Lily Evans could be a Demon-Girl. Aren't they…evil?"

He laughed at me again. "They're never evil. They have to balance out their Demon, don't they?"

"Speaking of that, she doesn't have a Demon,"

"She's a Demon girl, alright? I don't care if she has a demon, I don't care if you've become attatched to her. This was our deal. I got you out of the hell-hole that you were in at Salem, and you help me get Lupin, and Evans."

I shuddered, knowing what I had to do to get them both into the forest.

James POV:

Lily laughed at Sirius, who ate a peppermint imp, and tried to concentrate on her homework. I was having a hard time with mine as well. Karsten suddenly bounded from the Girl's Dorm, tears pouring down her cheeks.

She rushed out of the common room and left the rest of us to stare at each other.

"I'm not going after her," Sirius laughed. "She'll just bite my head off, she never liked me,"

I looked at Lily. "No way, she's mad at me for telling you guys about her birthday,"

That left me. Damn, being nice at times. I got up and walked out after her and found her in the empty Charms classroom.

"What's up," I said, nonchalantly.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She looked up.

"The normal teenage boy things," she laughed, I smiled. Maybe soon we'll get back to the common room, back to Lily.

"James, you're the best," I sat down next to her.

"I don't know about the _best_," I considered. "but I think I'm pretty damn close."

She smiled again, and leaned closer to me. She didn't ask, she didn't say she thought I was cute, she didn't say anything, actually, which is different from any other girl who had done this.

Karsten Harold leaned in and kissed me, just as Lily entered the room.


	4. James and Karsten, sittin' in a tree

Chapter three got things interesting. Just you wait. Things are going to get a bit weirder.

**Two Dollar x Song**

**OHMYGAWD, to you people who loyally read and review and everything to my story, you rock, I love you! I love this story, and I think it could end up going on for a bit. :-**

**LOVE YOU.**

**Two Dollar x Song**

James POV 

Ok, before anyone accuses me of being a total pervert, and a womanizer, I did not deserve everything that Lily Evans said about me.

Karsten's lips seemed to touch mine at the very minute the door was thrust open. I saw Lily's red hair out of the corner of my eye and tried to drag myself away from Karsten, but she had an iron grip on my shoulders.

"Kars – " Her jaw literally dropped. She stared at the two of us for what felt like ten minutes (by this time, Karsten had stopped kissing me, of course,). "Oh,"

"Lil," I got up and was about to explain when Lily lunged at me.

"YOU NO GOOD, SICK, PERVERTED LOSER!" I was so surprised at her outburst that I jumped backwards. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF KARSTEN LIKE THAT! JAMES POTTER, I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I COULD DEPEND ON YOU FOR ONE SECOND! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A RESPECTABLE HUMAN BEING. I THOUGHT YOU CARED." She stormed over to Karsten, who also looked shellshocked, and yanked her away from me. With one more dirty look, she marched out and left me standing in the dark classroom.

I slowly made my way back to the Common Room where Sirius was looked worriedly at the stairs. "Did you –"

"Don't start. Karsten…"

"I kind of figured," he said, somehow knowing what I was going to say. "Lily was screaming about you when she walked in here."

"Ah," I winced. "Suppose she'll get over this?"

"And realize it was all Karsten? Not anytime soon, mate," he slapped my back and padded up the stairs to our dorm. I sighed.

Lily Evans was mad, and when she got mad, she got _really_ mad.

Lily Pov: 

_James Potter is, was, and will always be a desbicable jerk._

Lil

**Stop it.**

**K**

_Why should I? He took advantage of you, Karsten. By the way, what were you so upset about?_

_L_

**It was nothing. And he didn't take advantage of me.**

**K**

_WHAT? You mean you kissed him?_

_L_

**Well, no, but I did ask him out last night.**

**K**

I stared at the piece of parchment in disgust and surprise. I glanced at Karsten who twirled her perfect curly hair idly and smiled at James. He smiled back, but quickly looked at Sirius.

"And he said yes?" I hissed.

She looked annoyed. "Duh, he did."

"Karsten, how can you expect me to be your friend?" I had considered giving her this speech before, but I couldn't stand her any longer.

"Um, I dunno," she doodled.

"Well, I'm sick of it. You're a bitch to everything and everyone, and you expect me and Molls to forgive you for whatever shit you say to us when you have PMS, or whatever your blaming your fits on."

She just looked at me.

"And also, James? You always had a thing for Remus. Look at him!" I gestured to a very unhappy looking Remus who sat in the corner, twirling his want in his hand. "Anyway, you and Molly know that James is –"

"James is what?" she stood up angrily, smacking the table. Good thing the class hadn't started yet. "James is _yours_?" I cursed myself silently as James and Sirius looked at us. "Excuse me, Lily Evans, but James is not _yours._ Infact, even though you've liked him for the past who-knows-who-cares years, doesn't mean he likes you back! Remember, you say everyday that you hate him! He is not on any account, yours." She finally finished, and stormed out of the classroom.

I turned away from James and Sirius, who had no doubt been catching snippets of our conversation , and scratched the back of my neck nervously.

I wondered if James had heard her. I bit my nail and felt nauseous. So far, my entire sixth year had been one disaster (Karsten) after another (Karsten and James).

My thoughts peeked at "what if he's only nice to me because of Karsten", and ran from the room, positive I was going to be sick.

Karsten POV 

"Goodfornothingbitch,Ihateher,sheshouldjustgodie!" I spit into the night air as I paced in the forest. I was pissed. No, I was beyond pissed. So pissed, infact, that I was relieved when Reidan showed up.

"Hello," he said quietly. "I take it you started?"

"Yeah," I breathed. "I don't care anymore. You can do whatever the fuck you like with Lily Evans. She's dead to me."

"Good," I could hear the smile in his voice more than see it. "Glad to hear it. I have some, shall we say, marvelous things planned for her."

**James POV:**

"Did you just –"

"Yeah."

"Did she just –"

"Yeah,"

"Are you sure that –"

"Yeah."

"But what if –"

"Yeah," Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus, who had evidently been standing near the girls as they had had they're argument. I sat next to Padfoot, yawning, wondering what Karsten had been saying. I had caught my name several times, probably Karsten defending me. I could only hope.

"I wonder why Lily ran out of the room like that…" Peter looked at the door as if Lily was running out of it now. And then sort of dreamily, "I wonder where Karsten went,"

My instincts told me to slap him, but I didn't. "You go ahead and have fantasies about her, Wormtail, I have no feelings for her."

Padfoot widenend his eyes at me. "Jeez, Prongs. Sort of blunt of you just to come out and say that, yeah? Usually you deny that you have no feelings for the girl until you dump her, or whatever."

"Well, what can I say? I don't care if every guy in school is after her. I have my emotions set aside."

"For who? Lily?" I rolled my eyes at Remus's blunt comment.

"What the hell do you think? Why would I like Evans?"

"Because you talk about her in your sleep." Sirius grinned.

With that I smacked him, got up, and left the room in search of Evans.

**Lily POV:**

"Stay calm, stay calm," Molly rubbed my back and I steadied my breathing. "He didn't hear what you guys were saying. I was closer then them, I could barely make it out. Good thing when Karsten gets mad she hisses, not yells,"

"Seriously, " I swallowed and leaned over a sink in the bathroom. "If he heard, I'd die, Molly, _die."_

"Lils, it's ok," A soft knock was on the girl's bathroom door. I nodded at Molly to go see who it was.

James stood outside, one hand casually in his pocket. "Lily?" He peered around Molly. "are you ok?"

"Why the hell should you care?" I marched up to him. "Why don't you go molest some second year?"

He looked mad. "Stop it! I didn't do anything wrong, Lily. She kissed me, and blamed it on me. She asked me out, I said yes because…"

"Because?" I glared at him.

"Because…I felt sorry for her, alright?"

"You felt sorry for her? PLEASE. Every boy in this school wants her in their bed. SCREW YOU, PERVERT!" I slammed the door in his face, collapsed on the floor, and sobbed.


End file.
